The Blind Dates Of Doom
by MilliniumLint
Summary: The TMI characters are bored and decide, for fun, to send their boyfriends or girlfriends on the worst blind date imaginable.
1. Isabelles Idea

**The Idea**

**All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

Clary, Jace, Isabelle, Simon, Maia, Jordan, Magnus, and Alec were sat the institute, bored.

"I`ve got a fun idea," Isabelle suddenly said. "I think that everybody should plan the worst possible blind date for their partner."

Jace grinned. "This could be interesting."

Jordan smirked. "Yeah!"

Maia rolled her eyes. "Be careful who you pick out for me, Jordan, you knowing I`m willing break your nose."

"I think we should do it," Clary announced. Everybody else nodded in agreement. They all handed each other their phones and texted their partners date`s a time.

Izzy glanced at the clock. "It`s time for your date Simon."

Simon got up and left, knowing Isabelle this date was gonna be awful.

**Sorry it`s so short, but it`s just the introduction. Please take the time to review. I`m going to write about Simon`s date next.**


	2. Simon and Maureens Date

**Chapter 2: Simon And Maureen**

**Thank-you for the lovely reviews! All character belong to Cassandra Clare.**

**Simon`s POV**

I entered Taki`s and was greeted to my horror, by Maureen. She was wearing a "Hello Kitty" t-shirt and pink jeans. Her pale blond hair was French braid down her back and her lip-glossed coated lips were smiling.

"Hi Simon," Maureen squeaked excitedly and took my hand.

"Hey Maureen," I said, forcing a smile. As we walked into Taki`s.

"So," She said as she flipped to the part of the menu meant for vampires. "Bet it feels a lot better going on a date with one of your own kind than a shadowhunter, right?"

I knew she was talking about Isabelle, and I fought the urge to break her nose. "I`m not sure, I`ve never been on a date with a vampire. But I have gone on a date with shadowhunters and mundanes before, even a werewolf."

Maureen wrinkled her nose in disgust. "A werewolf? Eww, I would never go out with one off those."

I sighed. We were two very different people. Despite being a vampire, I was definitely at shadowhunter at heart. "Well I had liked even before I was bitten, and I guess that didn`t change."

"Still sounds gross to me," She said as Kaelie came over to take our orders. "I always thought being kissed by a werewolf would be like my dog kissing my face." Maureen giggled and I couldn`t help but laugh as well.

"So," Kaelie asked. "What would you two lovebirds like?"

I opened my mouth to say that we weren`t lovebirds, but changed. Maureen was just a little kid, I didn`t wanna hurt her feelings.

"I`ll have the uh, blood milkshake," I said to her.

"I`ll have the same as him." Maureen said. She scrawled down our orders on a pad of paper and left.

"You know," She said suddenly. "I`m not mad at you for biting me. You weren't even the one who turned and you were really hungry. Plus," She added, staring at her shoes. "You didn`t kill anyone. I did."

I sighed. "It`s okay Maureen. It was your natural instinct, and your didn`t have anyone to help you, so went a little rogue, goo thing the Praeter helped you. And hey my friend who`s a werewolf attacked his own girlfriend. We all have things we regret." I told her as the waitress came back with our milkshakes.

"I suppose, on the bright side, were both vampires now so we can be together forever," Maureen said thoughtfully. Her fangs came out as she took a sip of her milkshake. Mine did as well as I took a few gulps of mine. It tasted like vanilla and blood. The blood tasted terrible, but I hadn`t yet figured out how to drink a milkshake without any added without getting sick.

"Maureen," I asked. "Weren`t you surprised the first time you drank blood as a vampire that it still tasted gross?"

"Yeah," She said as she finished her shake. "I really thought being a vampire would make it taste better. But having to drink blood is just something yucky but necessary, it`s kind of like medicine."

"Or like getting high," I added as I paid the bill. "Since you kind have the buzz of energy when you first feed."

She nodded in agreement. "Maureen," I began, surprised at what I was saying. "I had great time. It was really nice talking to another vampire that was crazy, or hated me for being a daylighter."

She smiled and just when I thought this date wasn`t that bad, Maureen leaned forward and quickly touched her lips to mine. It was kind of sloppy, and I figured it was her first kiss.

She smiled shyly and got up. "Well I`ll see you again," Maureen suddenly stared at a vampire about her age with curly dark hair that was staring at her. "Or not," She ran over and said hello to the boy, who blushed and introduced himself.

I sighed. Thank you, lord.

**Please review. I would also like y`all to vote on my poll for which on of my TMI songs I should do first.**


	3. Clary and Erics Date

**All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

**Clary`s POV**

"Maureen kissed you?" I asked for the millionth time, and busted out laughing.

Simon nodded.

"Dude, you are lucky she saw another vampire her age and ditched you, I don`t think I`ll be so lucky with my date," Jordan told him.

"Speaking of dates," Jace said to me. "It`s time you leave for yours. It`s a mundane, so it`s at the coffee shop, Java Jones."

I nodded and ran down to the shop. I saw Eric waiting outside.

He walked up to be. "Do you need a pacifier, because you are a babe?" Eric asked me.

I rolled my eyes. Great, the cheesy pick up lines are already starting. "Hi Eric," I said taking his hand and walking inside. We both sat down on the couch. Eric got up and got two Styrofoam cups of coffee.

He returned and handed one to me. "Here`s you`re coffee, my love."

"Look Eric, I don`t really like you, this is just a blind date." I told him honestly.

"This must be a blind date, because I am blinded by your beauty," Eric replied in a flirty voice.

I sighed. "So Eric, how is your band doing?"

"Better since Jordan joined," Eric said. "but were still deciding on the name. It`s between The Tragic Tater Tots and The Hot and Sexy Peppers."

"The second one is better," I told him and took a sip of my coffee.

He nodded in agreement and took a sip of his. "Oh, by the way, I almost forgot I wrote a poem for you." He grabbed a crumpled piece of paper. To my horror, Eric got up and went up to the stage. I slid down in my seat as he turned on the microphone and smoothed out the sheet of paper.

"This poem is for my date, Clary," Eric announced.

"I love Clary

Her red hair is kinda scary

She draws pretty well

When she doesn`t shower she smells

She`s in love with a guy named Jace

She has freckles all over the place

Clary`s chest is flat

But I don`t care about that

`Cause we are finally together on a date"

Eric bowed and I wished I could just disappear. He got down from the stage a sat back down next to me.

"So, did you like it?" Eric asked.

I forced a smile. "It was great."

Before I could stops him, Eric wrapped his arms around me and began to make out with me. I pushed him back in disgust. Not only was he a terrible kisser, but he also had horrible coffee breath.

"Eric." I told him firmly. "I don`t like you that kind of way. I already have a boyfriend, and this date was just a dare. Please don`t ever do that again."

He nodded sadly. "I guess I don`t need this," He added and pulled out a tiny box from his pocket. Eric opened it and showed me the ring inside. he was going to freaking propose to me? I ran outside, drew a portal, and got the heck out of here. Eric is way more insane than I thought he was!

**Please take the time to review.**


	4. maia and luke

**Maia and Luke**

**Thanks for all the review! All characters belong to Cassandra Clare.**

**Maia`s POV **

"Eric... kissed...you?" Simon gasped and doubled over with laughter.

Clary spat out a mouthful of mouth wash. "Yes, and you would think it was so funny if it was you that had to kiss Eric.'

Simon looked horrified at the thought.

"You should just be glad I wasn`t there," Jace muttered. "I would have kicked him in a very bad spot."

Clary rolled her eyes. "Chill Jace, I already broke is heart."

Jace looked really happy.

Suddenly Isabelle`s eyes widened. "I`ve got a new rule. You and your date have to kiss at least once."

Jordan busted out laughing. Once he finally calmed down he looked at his watch. "You`re date is waiting," Jordan told me. "Your supposed to me him at The Hunter`s Moon."

I nodded. Magnus drew a portal and I hopped in and landed outside the bar. I saw to my horror, Luke waiting for me. I remember Isabelle`s rule that you and your date have to kiss at least once and fought back the urge to puke. I was going to have to _kiss _Luke.

"Hey Maia," He said with a friendly smile. "How`s it going?"

Jordan obviously hadn`t told him this was supposed to be a date. I forced a smile. "Great Luke." We walked in, sat down, and each ordered a beer.

"So Maia, how`s it going with you and Jordan?" Luke asked and took a big gulp of his drink.

"Good," I mumbled, secrectly thinking, _I`m gonna kill Jordan for this._

''Well it`s nice that y`all are together again. I can tell he really likes you," Luke sighed and I drank at least half my beer in one sip. I`m gonna need it to get through this. "He never shuts up about you."

I laughed. "Jordan never shuts up!"

Luke grinned. "Jace never shuts up!"

"I feel bad for Clary," I muttered.

He shrugged. "She grew up with Simon, she`s used it."

"If that's possible," I mumbled.

Luke finished his drink and got up to leave. Suddenly I remembered Izzy`s new rule. May as well get this over with. I quickly got up and pressed my lips to his.

His eyes widened and he stumbled back in surprise. "What the hell was that?" Luke blurted out loud enough that everyone stared at us.

Despite being totally grossed out, I busted out laughing. "We all..planned blind dates... for our boyfriends...and girlriends.." I gasped. "And we.. had to kiss our...date.. at least once."

Luke looked half amused, half annoyed. "I`m going to kill Jordan." He muttered.

"Not if I get to him first," I said left.

**Please review! Sorry if it is not as funny as my last one, but I did my best.**


	5. Alec and The Seelie Queen

**Alec and The Seelie Queen**

**Thank-you for the reviews! I`m sorry it`s been so long I`ve been very busy with school.**

**Alec`s POV**

Maia came back in looking murderous.

"Jordan Kyle, why the hell did you send me on a date with Luke?" She snapped and sat down next to him. Everyone cracked up and Clary looked grossed out.

"I-um, it w-was just a joke b-baby," Jordan stammered nervously. "But I still love you," He added and pulled her in for a long, deep kiss. "Forgiven?" Jordan asked as he pulled back.

Maia sighed and nodded. "Why do you have to be so cute?" She wrapped her arms around him.

Mangus rolled his cat-like eyes. "Enough canoodling you two, Alec is gonna be late for his date." He turned to me. "You`re supposed to meet her at Taki`s."

I nodded, went outside and took a cab.

When I stepped out of the vehicle I saw the Seelie Queen waiting outside. By the Angel, I am going to kill Magnus.

I walked over to her. "Pleased to meet you." I told her.

"Alexander Lightwood, you have asked me to meet you here to discuss some important Clave business," She said as we walked in. Obviously she didn`t have a clue that this a date.

We sat down and ordered.

"So," The Seelie Queen said. "What is it that I need to know?"

"This was um, meant to be a date," I informed her.

She laughed. "Alexander, I never knew you had a sense of humor, but you are wasting my time.." She got up to leave.

"Is this was a joke, why would I do this," I stood up and kissed her on the cheek quickly. The Seelie Queen let out a tiny gasp and fainted. I wiped off my mouth in disgust and caught a cab back to the institute.

**Sorry it was so short, like I said, I`m very bust with school. Please review, my pretties.**


	6. Izzys date

**Isabelle and Brother Enoch**

**Thank-you the reviews! Sorry for the wait. School is exhausting. All characters belong to Cassandra Clare. Avete(Latin for all hail), Cassandra Clare. **

**Isabelle`s POV**

"Magnus," Alec in a deadly voice. "Why would you set me up with the Seelie Queen?"

"Come on," Magnus whines. "It was just a joke."

Alec looks annoyed but shrugs and sits down next to the warlock.

"So,' I said casually. "What happened?"

"I kissed her on the cheek and she fainted." Alec replied.

"I can`t blame her," Magnus said sweetly. "You are the most beautiful boy I know." The warlock took Alec`s face in his hands and gently kissed for a few moments before the pulled back, gasped. Alec`s cheeks were flushed and the blue in his eyes black, which I knew was from desire.

"Thank-you dearest brother, I totally don`t mind seeing my parabatai shove his tongue down Magnus Bane`s throat," Jace said sarcastically.

Alec glared at him. "Yeah and I totally don`t mind walking in on you and Clary in bed." He retorted.

Suddenly the door bell rang and Alec and Jace stopped arguing.

"I believe," Simon said, smirking. "That is your date. I invited him over here for lunch. And please baby, don`t cook for him. Oh, and swear on the Angel you won`t kill me."

I did, figuring I`d probably need something to hold me back.I rolled my eyes and went downstairs and opened the door. My dropped.

Brother Enoch was standing in front of me.

"No!" I moaned before I could stop myself.

_What? _He asked. _You didn`t cook lunch did you?_

"No!" I snapped as we both walked into the kitchen. He's a silent brother, why should he even care he doesn't even eat. He sat down and I pulled out some Pizza Rolls and cooked them in the microwave. I may not be the best cook but I can at least use the microwave. After a few moments I took them out and placed them on the table andcarefully nibbled on one.

_"So, how`s Jace doing with the heavenly fire?" _The Silent Brother asked.

"Good, he still glows a little when he`s super happy." I said, staring at his stitched mouth. Ugh, I was going to have to kiss him! Thankfully his mouth was stitched together so there was no way there was going to be any tongue action. I shuddered at the thought.

_"Let me guess, he glows when he makes out with Clary?" _Brother Enoch guessed.

"Yeah and maybe a little more than just making out.." I waggled my eyebrows.

_"Too much information," _He replied in my head, a look of disgust on his creepy face.

I still could believe I had to kiss him. Yuck! Figuring I might as well get it over with, I leaned forward and just as I was about to kiss him he turned his head and I ended up kiss the hood of his parchment colored robe. It was even more revolting than kissing Simon in the morning before he had brushed his teeth. It tasted like his robe has never been washed. Bleeech!

"That was disgusting!" I exclaimed. "Worst blind date ever!"

_"Touche`," _Brother Encoh replied and and left silently. Why the hell did I make that stupid oath not to murder Simon?

**Review mundanes. Sorry if Brother Enoch is a little OCC at the end. Also I know it`s kind of strange that I used Brother Enoch since he`s more popular in TID than TMI but Brother Jerimiah is dead and Brother Zachariah may or may not be a very attractive male character from TID(I tried my best not to spoil anything) so he was my only choice. **


	7. Kaelie and Jace

**Jace and Kaelie **

**Thanks for the reviews but sorry for the wait. I have also been working on a Jaia lemon. It`s now complete and please check it** out** and leave a review. All characters belong to Cassandra Clare. **

**Jace POV**

Poor Simon. Isabelle practically killed him when she returned. Clary, however seemed really happy.

"Jace, I believe your date is waiting," She informed me with a grin. " Your date is at Taki's . Have fun!" She drew a portal in the wall and I stepped through it, knowing deep down that I would not be having any fun.

Sure enough, waiting outside of Taki`s was Kaelie.

'Um, hi," I mumbled.

"Hey Jace!' She squeaked excitedly, and I resisted the urge to cover my ears. She gave me a bone crushing hug and led me inside to a table.

"I only have a few minutes till my break is over to be with you, but we`ll make the best of it." She informed me. Thank the Angel, only a few minutes and I`d be free! At the table I saw there was already some faerie food for her, and my usual order.

'I already ordered since I didn`t wanted you to starve, and I knew what you`d order," Kaelie said as she sat down next to me. Her blue eyes however, were focused on the food, to me.

"Wanna faerie plum?" She offered.

"No way," I replied, shaking my head. I learned my lesson with faerie food.

Kaelie laughed. "I bet you haven`t touched any faerie food since what happened last time." I nodded.

"Oh, come here sweetie," She practically pulled me onto her lap. Suddenly she was kissing me frantically and I shuddered. Her lips were cold and inhuman against my own. Finally Kaelie pulled away.

"Gotta go," She informed me sadly. "My break is over."

The faerie got up and left. I ran out and grabbed a taxi, dying for some make-up remover to get Kaelie`s lipstick off my face.

**Please review and check out my other stories!**


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